She cheated for 15 months behind my back while pregnant all the while pretending our life was normal. I never even remembered that conversation we had until a while after the ea came to light. This chick is NO dummy. Thanks also for your recommendation on letting the thoughts go and not wasting my energy ever thinking about him.. That really is the reason I need to give myself a break from this site. Im a stay at home Mom with two very young kids and he controls everything. As they say, fool me once, shame on you. After going through that experience, I am now keenly aware that it is possible even if a relationship appears to be wonderful. She will misread and interpret everything to suit her. My husbands whore flat out admitted that it took her a long time to get him to fall. "Watch out for someone who uses these types of excuses for treating you badly," she says. You made a mistake at thinking that I would think like you, but you were wrong. One that I would not get involved with, ever. Parents married til one of them died. Extreme insecurity: This fellow needs constant reassurance and he is always looking for sources of reassurance. He enjoys the thrill of the double life, 9. I have copied and pasted your questions with answers below . Your Hs OW was definitely a predator. Yay!!!!! The difference is I dont BLAME you for anything. This was not her first rodeo. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. She was very smart and cunning with how she played him, she fed him her sob stories, and then he thought she was such a poor thing, she knew he would start telling her things. You hired her, she was your assistant, and yet it seemed she had designs on your H and she did not attempt to hide it. He tells me his story and I WANT to believe him. Do you think you had different reasons for entering into it than your affair partner did? Dont want to deal with financial requirements: A third most important fact is that serial cheaters dont want to deal with the financial requirements of divorce. but I dont feel an interest in establishing a close relationship like we might have had before. They show a lack of remorse and empathy. So staying married seems like the best option, at least for now. LOL but he knew she would. Serial infidelity has been correlated with personality disorders. If any of the following red flags are waving right in front of you, it could be a sign your partner's up to something. Narcissism: This person displays pathological selfishness, an extreme sense of entitlement, and he is always looking for new sources (people) to feed his ego. Grab Now! How To Get A Boyfriend Fast in Real Life? Cheaters "deflect pointed conversations by changing the true subject and always minimizing their actions," award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse. Neither he or I knew how incredibly wise and accurate that statement was. She goes on to say, "They aren't all alike. Be patient and kind to yourself. Hes a good guy who got caught up and manipulated in something he was just not smart enough to get out of. Never cared, it wasnt my business. And Im not going to do that! They use marriage as a built in excuse for things they dont even want to do. I agree with your h, 23 NOT 21. He was smiling and making small talk and invading my personal space. Food may not interest you in the least, or you may dive into the junk food, especially sweets, which will give you an endorphin, feel-good rush (before making you crash and feel even more horrible). Of course hes going to tell you that this one was emotional the others were just purely physical and guess what hes telling his wife the same thing about you. It was also good of you to write the wife a letter of apology. Inability to stop scanning for any new data that might cause more distress. I would not have had to listen to my teenage on call my husband a f p when the whole story came out. Make sure you have a face to face conversation about the same. This gives him the freedom to continue hurting her because he thinks that shell stand by him no matter what. Huge mistake.. Possiblymany couples do. For some, a one-time thing is a total dealbreaker. I will never understand this, for many reasons, but knowing it exists, I am pro-active. Th, exactly, any attention given by the h just makes her misread his intentions for her own good. And angry because after all the mess we created THAT is what he gave a shit about . He always assures me that he never singles anyone out for special treatment or even friendship and I believe it since I have corroborated it. The decision to cheat was the culmination of several unhappy years of marriage, according to 36-year-old Jessica Lawrence. Knowing him, he would be afraid to go to HR because he did not want to cause a fuss and would be too embarrassed. In my free time, I'm usually traveling, hiking, or trying a new kind of tea. My husband meets everyone qualification as a cereal cheater, is it even possible for him to change? He was my high school bf, we sleep slept together when I was 16, off and on til about 20. That doesnt mean I dont like them, Ive just moved on I guess. His Meyers-Briggs was ESTF. None the less, here we are, still fighting our way through all the crap the ea has thrown at us, and surely but slowly, seeing the fruits of all our hard work. Cousin It definitely has character flaws and why he would choose to hook his wagon up to that should make you want to look more closely at your husbands own flaws and weakness not the weakness in your marriage. But not only are a cheater's secrets. HEY WAIT, isnt that what my own semi narcissist husband did to me???? Trust me, these women know what theyre doing. She wants your life. History goes along way for a wife, and a husband, we wives know everything there is to know about our husbands, and they know all there is to know about us. On the topic of serial cheaters, I have always been completely baffled as to why my AP was the way he was. Thanks for telling your story so please dont take my comments as derogatory or personal. Addiction plays a role in their life. I would ask him point blank if there is any reason for her to be continuing to pursue this so aggressively. My husband does have a part in this and here is what it is: he is the type of guy who is so affable that he has no enemies. Do not give one single day to cousin It and her selfishness and meanness. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them. Q: How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? Hoffman suggests you "give them your password logins, share a calendar, over-communicate about your comings and goings. Now Im married, Im even more bemused as to how my (married) AP could live with himself. That said, some people hold a rather controversial point of view that you can be in love and still cheat. I think all this talking is shaking me up so I may just observe for a while. Extra cheating affairs are not a big deal for them to quit a marriage relationship, so they just stay married and enjoy the rest of their life like this. I cannot help him or otherwise solve his issues and I am now releasing him to a higher power. I said and by the way, she did the wrong thing, putting her exh on speaker phone, because she only did that, so out of all the conversations you hear of them talking, she puts the one on that has him get angry on. I have to reassure you his wife knows hes the responsible person in the affair. You know, its interesting that a lot of cheaters have sexual dysfunction. Is sad but I think its important to not focus on those details of the OW flaws and look at the bigger picture of our spouses own character flaws and weaknesses such as believing the lies about peoples intentions and motives. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Realize that its not your fault. You can nail his foot to the floor, develop ironclad guidelines, and you can show objective evidence that he is at fault. She had actually by this time though, the day he told her to stop, she had told him that she wanted him to leave me, he told her no. Im sorry you had to learn such a bitter lesson the hard way. To that end, Ive heard some of his phone conversations with female vendors etc and have called him out on it. So, I think now, he sees, there is no more helping relatives, unless it is both our immediate families, because they just used him, each one he had helped. And in some cases, their family may even be threatened if they got a divorce, so they stay married to avoid that. Im not jealous, but Im not putting up with that shit either. You mentioned in your comment earlier that when your H cheated on you, you felt like you had to be engaging, funny, and entertaining and act like someone you were not. He also may feel like a failure and fear everyone else thinking the same. They are masters at seeming believable," Wish explained. Blame their exes way too much. 2. And the reason they haven't usually has to do with pre-judging their wives coupled with a fear of being judged and denied their needs in an unpleasant way. In my heart, I thought he was a really fun person that made me laugh loads. Boy Id like to kick my own arse!!! As for the parking lot confrontation, do you prefer a nice chianti, a chardonnay, or perhaps a nouveau beaujolais? One time cheaters, on the other hand, will be more introspective and regretful. Most cheaters do not intend to cheat. It will be just a matter of what your personal threshhold for pain . Have heard that before too- that sex with the AP is usually over-rated. Serial cheaters may be quick to distract you, but "[t]ake it as a red flag," she says. I was so naive, coming here reminds me if how far Ive come. So she is not one to give up easily. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. She does not care if this childrens lives are turned upside down, due to becoming a child of divorce, and now I am speaking of my own ow, to have placed her own children, who i am sure had a hard time coming to terms with her own separation from their dad, to jump straight away into a relationship with a mm, and not truly see the damage she is causing her own children as well, because she cant stay without a man, it is just selfish. I hope the next 23 years are the best ever! Ohh boy, it must not have been that bad if she stayed with him for 20 friggin years. One-time cheaters, if they're truly remorseful, will own up to their mistakes. said cheaters will sometimes lay the groundwork for future lies ahead of time in order to cover their tracks later on in the relationship. Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat. I truly believe shes a very nice person who got sucked in by a self serving narcissist. I thought through this, and decided it was an exceptionally clever tactic. So why do cheating husbands stay married? Share on Facebook We are older with grown children, I know if I was younger he would be gone!! She has invaded so much of my headspace, that I should be charging her rent. Youre hurt and you arent going to heal overnight. I hope your new job is going good and that the remodel to your home is brilliant as well. Ignore her, both of you. I dont have sexual anxiety (rather the opposite) and have cheated twice while in my last relationship. Its normal to ruminate after being cheated on. Cinderella is kind of a bitch. Ahhh but, here is the catch. Serial cheaters consistently cheat on their partners, even when they're in committed, monogamous relationships. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I remember wanting to wallop my AP when we got caught after a couple of weeks he said you wont tell (my wife) about (my previous AP), will you?. I guess these guys cheat to prove they can, especially since they are sorry lovers a lot of the time. My 16 year old daughter finally caught them and its scarred her for life. But the second time she does it, she still feels a little guilty, but not as much. I would not have had to endure the last 8 mos of this woman still in hs life and still reporting to him. Yes she played a huge role as facilitator but he was a willing victim. To me it all concurs. But it really was. So here are some habits serial cheaters are more likely to have than one-time cheaters. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? There was never any resolution to his parents behavior and they never changed. FYI the Ow in my H life had tons of sob stories like that. Heh heh. (That is, I cannot believe that she could be so stupid and backstabbing in front of your face!) He works one solid shift and leaves at the same time in the morning and comes home at the same time of day. They do not want responsibility for their actions and their exes will mostly be discussed in a bad light. Others cheat simply out of boredom. You might recall this trick of the trade from the 2006 teen dramedy "John Tucker Must Die," but apparently the three-time cheater's strategy of calling his three girlfriends "baby" and "sweetheart" wasn't just clever writing, it's a legitimate tactic cheaters use to make sure they aren't mixing up your name with their other partner's name. In some cases, cheating men stay married because they feel like its their only option. I think theyre nervous giggles after being spoken to by TH. She finished a management 2 year degree and was employed in the same large company, but in marketing. He is just a guy who is extremely easy to work with a attempts to build harmony in his team. Surviving repeated infidelity may be too much for the betrayed spouse within the context of the marriage. Some common relationship issues that can lead to cheating include lack of communication, emotional disconnect, physical disconnect, and lack of respect. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Reason 1: You teach people how to treat you. Your partner shows no remorse or does not apologize. Same here. Based on the same study, people who suspected their partner of cheating were four times more likely to suspect their partner in their next relationship. I can see so much of my cheating husband in this article. 7 Things To Note If You Have A Cheating Partner, How To Cope With Anxiety After Husbands Affair, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity. However, an affair can just be an affair if both partners are committed to restoring faith and honesty.