He was retired and they always stood at the window and waved me off in the morning. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. That is strangely comforting to remember that. He listens. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning. IR-2022-65, March 23, 2022 Even though the Internal Revenue Service issues most refunds in less than 21 days for taxpayers who filed electronically and chose direct deposit, some refunds may take longer. Our bond of love was so deep and our lives so inextricably intertwined that a part of me died that day too. My sincerest condolences to you with the loss of your husband. When I was 14/15 I met my bf we were friends good friends. After all, pets give us unconditional love, boundless loyalty and unwavering companionship. I keep asking myself inside and out how can this be. But speaking for myself I had to change focus, take the focus off him and onto those left behind. I was in the a state of shock and was just sick for weeks. My husband died 16 months ago. Ive felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldnt have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I lost my son in June 2017. She went to hospice, but at least I was There are times when sheer terror for my future without her just paralyzes me. Your post is spot on and so true and give me hope and comfort knowing I am right where I need to be. Dont be afraid of it, embrace it. "Time flies, whether you're wasting it or not.". He came to me in a dream. However, the helpful responses live on, and one of them was absolutely incredible. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. I hope you are well, and have found solid ground on which to stand. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. "How are you doing?". 84 year old and try to get back to things I used to enjoy but it isnt working. I am very bitter Had a letter from Hospital admitting neglect but I havnt got my Husband the love of my life, I am struggling to get on with my life but its so hard as it is for everyone on this forum, We no longer live we exist, Pam xx. My baby girl passed away 6 months later. I hurt in my heart so deep I cant breathe. Wendy I lost my mother two yrs ago this December 22, 2017. Im human and nothing is odd about what I am going through. I still have to live. I believe this is true. We never thought this type of loss could happen to us. I feel as though Im nothing. I too see couples similar age to me together and think how lucky they are to have each other. giver had to subdue all my feelings of pain. In the poignant track's lyrics, G-Eazy describes longing to reunite with someone in his dreams . He had cancer. But I realised life has to carry on. I feel your pain .. Thank you all for sharing your stories of grief. But now I know how bad her struggle was and wish that I would have seen it as that and had more compassion and understanding instead of worrying about how it affected me i should have seen how it was affecting her. All I do is cry. The pain of losing you is immeasurable. You WILL be fine, if you let yourself be, give permission to yourself to be. I dont like to eat, but water for months. I also know that I dont really have a choice. I will always feel his love. I lost my wife/soulmate/angel and anchor August 2018 to shocking lung and brain cancer. visitors from Social Media Sites (referrals) I dont think I will ever get better. This breaks my heart to read. :-(. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. My brother died 14 months ago, he was only 23 and it was the biggest shock of our lives. I dont have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. tractable in google analytics I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. Im sure that I am ready to date and I am grateful my friend is so patient. And No, I'll Never 'Get Over' It. Its hard to understand why after 53 years, God would see fit to take one half of a union and leave the other half behind with such suffering. I lost my mother (and I was her caregiver) in early 2017 (basically congenital heart failure, but she fail on what I consider a good day for her and never recovered and passed away the next day). This week for no particular reason has been extremely hard. I was a person with very strong faith, but this life changing event has caused me to question all Ive ever believed. Keep going- it will get more tolerable. I do have my faith and helps sustain me The pain is unbearable.. almost 3 years later and i am still wondering. I know Im supposed to live one day at a time, etc, etc., to get through this, but quite frankly I am sick of doing that. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. Well grieving does affect your metabolism, and hormones, and you are tired all the time, and often overeat. I try to stay busy but most of the time its just around our house. I lost my beloved mom on October 5, 2018. Im so sorry for your loss. I find comfort in knowing we did everything we could together when we could. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt. I left the house for about 15 minutes and came home and found him dead on the kitchen floor. Synonyms for PASSED AWAY: fallen, gone, deceased, declining, departed, defunct, lifeless, deteriorating; Antonyms of PASSED AWAY: live, alive, living, existing . I relive it every day when I go to sleep when I wake up. If the second year is worst than the first I do t know if Ill survive. But I keep hitting brick walls. Died. Trying the best I could to just be. I would have died for him. She never loved anyone like I did my husband, and cannot fathom why I am still grieving after all he was a very sick man and he just couldnt have lasted longer. It has to get better it cant stay this hard always:-(. I think that people mean well. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Most shy away from me because?? I miss my wife I came home from work 2018 found my wife on the bedroom floor. i guess thats it for my self pity party. And amid the lessening, there are still periods where you feel as though its the 2nd month all over again. I dont understand why! I believe this is what the Lord wants. I lost my husband 2 years ago suddenly and left behind with 2 young children. Strange as this may sound, I am now finding life even more difficult. I stay busy. One thing is I have to learn to live with is the new normal. Sounds like me. It was 5 months ago today when it was the sad passing of Queen Elizabeth II. I dream of him every night and wake up and think he is with me. I got through the first year because of being the only one that could handle all of the problems and stuff that takes place after the bread winner passes suddenly. 17 years, but only suffered the last 2 years as life drained away from him. I dont feel like I can face a future without him. I just feel blessed that he loved me that much! Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone. Never feel that you cannot cry about your loss of him. I too lost the love of my life after 47yrs of marriage. I watched his body deteriorate over the next 8 months, and I was at his bedside when he passed. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. I wish you peace. And i can relate with you. Perhaps- try some see a doctor about taking some thing mild to help you sleep but avoid dependence on sleep aids. Linda, I was with my husband less than ten years, I have found time together is not what counts, it is how deeply you loved. I try and fill my time, but would rather be hold up in my house and not face the world. I haven't stopped crying since you went away, and I've asked God time and time why you couldn't stay. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. This is the most difficult life battle I know I will ever have to endure. Everytime I hear the songs we use to play its like a piece of me dies inside. But there was a need to accept at a deeper level, and it was very very hard. People say you need to find love again. He never smoked but had to have a lung transplant. When I left there somethnig came over me and I knew what happened there was WAY bigger than anything I could have imagined. Dad has passed 18 mths now. Noreen, Its just about a year since my husband of 55 years died. If I can last that long. Hes doing it for a reason to help us. After all, without hope and faith, what do we have? I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. I am 39, I could live a long time yet. He was always there for me in sickness and in health. A person in this stage may feel the need to keep busy all the time, or do what they . i could be just reading a magazine and something pops up she used to like. On those days I have to get up. Please know that I am entering my 7th year of the loss of my spouse. Hope is in you its just buried somewhere but believe me Im only in the first month of my mom passing and boy let me tell you its a pain I never felt before and I just want to die I cry everyday all day there arent any words that can explain my pain. The second is Grief Share, Your Journey from Mourning to Joy, a nationally organized support program to help individuals in their most difficult journey. I feel so empty and lost without her. We had so many dreams I wouldnt know where to start sharing them. I am so sorry for your loss but shingles can be so painful and you were trying to spare him this pain. I am not outgoing and heave no interest in making new community or establishing a new normal. My life with my beloved was just fine, and I thanked God constantly, for the gift of my soulmate. Then, I ended up getting sick from malnutrition. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. Yes there are periods of NO pain but never a time without remembering as one goes about lifes daily activities . Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. I weep and wail and feel as though it happened yesterday. I am having a horrible time with not having him and I do not know if I will ever be free of my horrible grief. I too have to act for my 2 remaining children because they were so worried about me. My birthday. I found an app called headspace that has a grief course of 3 sections of 10 days each 30 days of mindfulness/ meditation sessions. That hurts. The years we've shared have been full of joy. He was only 53 when he passed. Its an ongoing struggle every day. At the time before my husband died my wee doggie was expecting puppies. Then, I felt nothing. So I was been very very careful about how I was feeling questioning everything . People always tell me to move on and Ive tried but it hasnt been the same. He died September 2016. I find it heartbreaking to see their grief and I feel embarrassed about having a boyfriend who has brought some sun into my life. Theyre trying to get there as fast as they can. Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. So happy . Patti, I once went to a counselor because I was like you constantly talking about the situation to anyone that would listen. The 1 year anniversary of his death is in a couple days. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. 4 days after my 55th birthday after 25 years of marriage, 2 years and 8 months ago. It helps me all morning and day. He was the love of my life. Home with you or where ever u. Next month is a two year mark that I lossed my only child, my little girl. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. My dad passed away Mar2016. My husband died suddenly, a little over two yrs ago. May God bless you all and help you to overcome your grief.. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. I can totally understand these feelings. Reading these posts have made me realize I am not alone, but do not help ease the unending pain I feel. So now that you're gone, how can I forget; If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. I just want to be happy again here in Wichita ks. He was 53 years old, and in excellent physical condition prior to his diagnosis. I just cant. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. Thanking God for the time I had with my husband we were together 36 years but it seems harder now. But, I had to stop after his death & I was sick. I now am stronger. They say I have chose him over them so theyre pretty much through with me what I need help dont know which way to turn. Im going into my 2nd year of the loss of my son August 5, w2017.. he was murdered at the age of 23. Im exactly where you are right now! I keep telling myself it is my fault that I have no after work friends and I need to make attempts at meeting people BUT feels like I cant move. She died gradually. When I see couples together, I miss him even more, but I talk to God to help me get through the mental sadness, Stay well- youre not alone. Mike agreed to go on another one of my adventures. At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said he was ok with what I was now doing (I wont go into details about that), but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money. So, I knew he was not mad at me only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. Absolutely no warning. One year has passed since you left your princess and gone to heaven. That is due to family saying their final goodbyes, and now Im planning what next with my life. Thats exactly how I have felt! If you're a painter, sculptor, or woodworker, create something each year. I lost my amazing husband to colon cancer 2 years ago. This is my first time reading all the posts. But when they get close I bail out. seems to be hitting me harder this year. I will keep you in my prayers. It seem hes moving farther & farther away I wish I could say I was moving closer to the time I will see him again, but his absence is absolutely crushing, and all I can see is that he is not here anymore my beloved guy. I lost my I found him within seconds. Wedding anniversary his birthday. (She just wasnt there no more. But it doesn't know you will always live in my memory. Please stay strong. I wish I were there to give you a hug. Hos short life was a blessing to those who knew him! amen to all. Nothing i do or say can change what happened. I understand your grief. Ive seen it dear. But they still flow and the empty lonely feeling is so much worse. On December 1, 2016 my papa (grandfather) passed away unexpectedly. Thank you. And lots of shipwrecks. It does ease after a while. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. I feel so selfish posting after reading these. He was forty four the first heart attack. He was my life. So I guess according to her, I should be done with it.